The Swanson

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Any man’s man who merits a damn is worth his weight in red meat. Arteries clogged with protein and Lagavulin (neat) offset the effects of any cardiovascular hazards. The heart of a man is measured by the way he likes his steak. Public opinion is a matter of majority, but blood dripping down the chin from a choice sirloin is a rarity worth savoring. The most satisfying meals are killed by oneself and enjoyed in the confines of a masculine castle, where the hunter can also stop to admire the Libertarian view. One should never have to squint to see the beauty in personal autonomy. Forget the banks, and bury your gold wherever you DAMN WELL PLEASE. The beard of Lady Liberty can’t conceal the fact that the American Dream is the only country’s vision that matters. But an honest mustache hides nothing for no one. Full and robust like a perennially clenched fist. Steadfast tufts mounted at attention validating the face. Ample, groomed strands note a gentlemen good with his hands. Chopping down a tree comes as easily as breathing. Calluses are the wages earned from living a typical day. “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.” Even the most seemingly apathetic government official can give an effective pep talk. You don’t have to be a master crafter to make something out of yourself.